Do You Push People Away to Protect Yourself?

“Don’t hide your scars. They tell a story of your survival.” – Dr. A.P.J. Abdul Kalam

We often think protecting ourselves means hiding, closing doors, and keeping people away. But is that real protection—or just a quiet form of self-destruction?

Have you noticed how sometimes we push people away even when they’ve done nothing wrong? We call it “self-protection.” Yet, in reality, this protection often hurts us more than the risk of being open.

Why We Push People Away

We do it out of fear:

• Fear of being hurt again.
• Fear of rejection.
• Fear of showing weakness.

It feels safer to build walls than to risk being vulnerable. But those walls don’t just keep out pain—they keep out joy, love, and growth too.

The Paradox of Protection

It’s like shutting your doors because you’re afraid of thieves. Yes, you stay safe—but you also block out friends, neighbors, and sunlight.

In protecting ourselves:

• We avoid betrayal, but also loyalty.
• We avoid heartbreak, but also love.
• We avoid criticism, but also wisdom.

Live Indian Examples

1. Ratan Tata: Betrayed, but Still Open

Ratan Tata trusted business partners abroad who once let him down. He could have withdrawn, become bitter, and shut doors. But instead, he chose resilience and openness. Later, his patience and ability to still believe in partnerships made Tata Group one of India’s most respected global brands. His story teaches us that vulnerability, even after betrayal, can lead to growth and legacy.

2. A Village Weaver in Kerala

In handloom clusters, many weavers have faced years of being cheated by middlemen. They could have given up and shut themselves away. But I’ve seen some who still open their doors to cooperatives and NGOs, believing in community. One such weaver told me: “If I close myself, my loom will die with me. If I stay open, maybe my children will see a better future.” That simple trust keeps traditions alive.

3. M.S. Dhoni’s Calm Openness

As India’s cricket captain, Dhoni faced harsh criticism after every loss. He could have isolated himself, blamed teammates, or shut off the world. Instead, he stayed approachable, trusted his young players, and gave them chances. That trust built champions—Virat Kohli, Rohit Sharma, Ravindra Jadeja. Openness gave India a golden era of cricket.

4. Ordinary Families After a Loss

In many Indian homes, when someone faces betrayal in friendship or love, they say: “I will never trust anyone again.” But the families that rebuild are those who still let people in—relatives, neighbors, new friends. After the 2018 Kerala floods, thousands of families who had lost everything survived only because they opened their doors to strangers who came with food and shelter. Vulnerability saved lives.

Life Lessons

1. Walls keep pain out, but also love out.
   Don’t lock yourself so tightly that joy cannot reach you.
2. Healing happens in connection.
   Whether it’s a weaver trusting a cooperative or a leader trusting his team, growth always comes from relationships.
3. Resilience is openness, not avoidance.
   Ratan Tata could have chosen bitterness. Dhoni could have chosen arrogance. Instead, they chose openness—and that’s why they inspire millions.

A Simple Story

An old farmer once said: “If you fear storms and never plant seeds, you will also never taste the fruit.” Protecting ourselves too much is like refusing to plant seeds. You may avoid storms, but you also avoid harvest.

Final Thought

Protecting yourself feels smart. But protecting yourself too much is like hiding from life itself.

Yes, some people may hurt you. But some will heal you too. The question is: do you want to live behind walls, or do you want to live with doors that open to love, trust, and connection?

So the next time you feel like pushing someone away, ask yourself:
👉 Am I really protecting my heart?
Or am I just starving it of the very things it needs to grow?

“Take the stones people throw at you, and use them to build a monument.” – Ratan Tata

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