Self Respect or Arrogance: Watch How a Person Treats the Waiter

Many people confuse self respect with arrogance. From a distance, both look like a person who stands tall and does not bend easily. But they are very different, and there is one simple test to tell them apart: watch how a person treats the people who can do nothing for him.

What self respect looks like

A person with self respect knows his own worth. Because he is settled in that, he does not need to prove it to anyone. He speaks to the managing director and the office peon in the same calm voice. He says “thank you” to the driver and “good morning” to the security guard. He does not change his behaviour based on who is in front of him.

Self respect also means you do not bow down to get favours. You can respect your boss without flattering him. You can disagree politely with a senior, and you can say no when something is wrong. Your dignity does not depend on anyone’s approval.

What arrogance looks like

Arrogance is the opposite. The arrogant person feels small inside, so he needs others to feel smaller. He is rude to the junior, the delivery boy, the maid and the auto driver. He shouts at the waiter and stays silent in front of the boss. His respect is not real. It is a payment he makes for promotion, a good rating or a favour.

In India, we see this every day. A manager speaks harshly to the office boy in the morning and smiles with great humility at the regional head in the afternoon. A customer argues for ten rupees with a vegetable vendor, then feels proud while paying a large bill at a hotel without a word. A person lowers his voice for a government officer who can sign his file, but talks down to the clerk who prepared it. These are not signs of strength. They show a person who respects power, not people.

Examples worth remembering

Dr. A.P.J. Abdul Kalam is remembered by many who met him for the same quality. He was the President of India and a top scientist, yet people say he spoke to security staff, cooks and young students with the same warmth he showed to leaders. He never seemed to need a title to feel complete.

Ratan Tata is another example. After the 2008 Mumbai attacks on the Taj hotel, he was reported to have met the families of the affected employees, including those in humble jobs. A man who owned one of India’s biggest business groups gave his time to ordinary workers. That is self respect at its highest. He did not need to feel important, so he could make others feel important.

A simple test for yourself

Ask yourself a few honest questions. Do I speak the same way to my senior and my junior? Do I thank the person who cleans my office? Am I polite only when someone can reward me? Would I behave the same way if no one important was watching?

If the honest answer is uncomfortable, that is useful. It is better to learn it from your own mind than from the people who quietly stopped respecting you.

The hidden cost of arrogance

Arrogant people often believe they are climbing. But juniors remember how they were treated, and many of them become seniors one day. A peon sees everything in an office. A driver hears every call. People at the bottom know the true character of those at the top, and they talk. Over time, respect given for show is replaced by silent dislike.

Self respect builds trust over many years, and it costs nothing but humility.

The last word

Real dignity is not shown in how you treat those above you. Anyone can be polite to power. It is shown in how you treat those who cannot give you anything in return.

Self respect lifts you up and lifts others with you. Arrogance lifts you only in your own eyes. Choose to be the person who is the same to everyone.

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